Katsaridaphobia
by buttmagoo
Summary: The turtles fight off a horde of roaches. Raph starts to panic, gets separated from his brothers and ends up in a very dire situation. This actually does get kind of gory, but only for the roaches.


**WARNINGS: GRAPHIC RAPE** - and this does actually get a little gory and intense, but mostly for the roaches. Mostly.  
Roach/Raph  
NC-17

xXx

Fear was an easy concept as a kid, but he gets older Raph finds out there's some subtlety to it, some flavors and degrees.

The stuff that hits the hardest doesn't have anything to do with monsters or bugs, or even himself. It's watching Leo try to outrun an explosion, knowing he's not gonna make it, watching Leo's eyes widen as he realizes the same, before he's swallowed by the smoke and bright orange flames.

Memories like that are enough to make Raphael restless with fear, get him on his bench and in front of his punching bag, lifting and punching and lifting until he passes out, doing his best to make his flesh as strong as his will, but that won't actually help with that kind of fear. Didn't help when Donnie took that hit to the head and didn't wake up for a week. Didn't help when Mikey was bleeding out in the vents of the Foot's hideout, when even breathing too loudly might give away their position, so all he could do with those arms he spent so long pushing to their physical peak is just cling to his baby brother's limp body and feel his skin grow colder and colder.

After stuff like that, it's easy to forget just pure, raw, uncomplicated terror.

But he was only fifteen when it happened, and it's easier to remember it as an overreaction.

He was young and cocky and got taken off guard, whatever. It turned out alright, it probably wasn't even that big of a deal, and he'll never feel that way ever again.

It wasn't, though, and as they peer down from a rooftop, he can feel the familiar fear creeping up his spine, gripping some primal part of his mind, sending immediate, _S.O.S._, get out, get out _now_ warnings to the rest of his body, clamping around his chest, his heart. Every part of him wants to run away from the scene, and it has nothing to do with logic, it is not complex or subtle.

"Gross," Mikey says, groaning. "_Ugh,_ and there's more coming!"

There are six roaches down there, eating their fill of rotting trash, oblivious to the fact that a canister of mutagen has spilled all around it. Raph watches their bodies mutate, shifting, crunching and snapping as they grow, standing upright, shaking their – gigantic – heads, antenna – huge, yellow, blank eyes. Pincers, tiny hairs around their . . . _face holes_? Mouths? A gaping, wet opening that drips as they eat. Raph is gonna puke.

"You feeling alright?"

Raph gives Leo a sharp look. "Yeah."

"You sure?" Leo asks. "You could sit this one out."

"And leave the fun to you guys?" Raph barks out a laugh. Leo can see right through it, and he stares for a second, evaluating. They really do need Raph, assuming these guys are anything like their freaky older brother, that guy had been practically indestructible. They're gonna need help subduing these things, and, frankly, that's Raph's specialty.

"Alright. April should be showing up with some poison, we just have to keep them contained until she gets here," Leo looks down into the alley from hell, takes out his blades and Raph pulls out his sais almost on instinct from hearing Leo's metal scrapping against his sheath. It's such a familiar sound it's almost a comfort until Raph is jumping off the side of the building and he's right back there, he's fifteen years old and clinging to his older brother's arm.

_Keep a cool head, Raph._

The roaches don't know how to fight. They're just big, stupid, disgusting animals. If they were any other shape Raph wouldn't have a problem moving in circles around them. Raph closes his eyes and tries to picture nothing more than the outline of the thing, the weight, the reach of its arms. Its – its clicking mouth, _fuck._

Raph's stomach churns violently.

"These things are like punching bags," Donnie says, whacking his own roach, but it has no reaction, not even annoyance, to the wooden staff smacking it in the head, in the eye. Leo's the only one making any progress, slicing into the sensitive knees and elbows and neck of his own creature, and it drops to the ground.

Shuddering in disgust, Raph closes his eyes, bites the bullet and plunges his sai deep into the neck of the monster in front of him. He pulls back immediately, falling into a defensive stance and gripping hard on his sais to keep his hands from shaking.

The roach twitches its head, apparently unaffected.

Raph moves forward again, giving another wild stab, and another, then falling back again.

It's pretty hilariously timid, considering his usual method of attack, but also considering that all Raph wants to do is crawl back up the roof, he figures it's pretty good.

"What the _heck_?" Leo squawks – he's decapitated the roach closest to him, but still it approaches, slow and apparently not all that put out by the loss of its head.

"Normal roaches can live about a week without their head," Donnie says. "I'm not sure how long a mutated version can – oh." The roach body has fallen over. "Well, less than a week!"

"Lucky for us," Leo says, jumping to Mikey's side, where he's been keeping off two of the things.

A scaly hand grabs Raph's wrist.

"Augh! Fuck! _Augh!_" Raph yells, his hard won composure, and training, scattered to the wind. "Get off!" He stabs at the roach's hand wildly, digging his sai into the body, to the face, when that doesn't work. But the grip doesn't weaken, the other arm coming around to grab him, and Raph loses it, feet sliding against the ground as he tries to yank his arm free, the fear like a physical chill sliding up Raph's neck, his face, just under his eyes, his brain jamming down on the panic button, the abandon ship, evacuate, _I warned you_, get out!

"Raph!"

Leo's beside him.

The roach grabbing him is headless.

Raph takes in each fact individually, blinking. "Take care of the spill. Make sure we don't have to deal with any more roaches. Got it?"

Raph can't stop twisting his wrist, trying to get the roach corpse to release him. Finally, the muscles relax, falling off Raph and to the ground.

"Got it?" Leo asks again, he's going at another roach, and sounds annoyed, and Raph wonders how many times he had to ask.

"Yeah. Yeah," Raph says.

There are eight, nine . . . eleven roaches still standing, three more at the pool of mutagen. He stabs them through the back before the can fully mutate, which kills two of them, but the third keeps mutating, growing, and Raph is forced to release his sai, watching the roach's body swallow it, grow around it.

It's a profoundly disturbing sight. Raphael's weapons are an extension of his reach, his punch, his own fist, and now swallowed up in that thing's disgusting body. He should want to rip the thing open, dig through its innards until he can find it again, but actually, all he wants to do is run to Master Splinter, get a replacement and maybe some sympathy for the horrible thing he just witnessed. How pathetic.

He stumbles back, kicking at the smaller, unmutated cockroaches, stomping when he can. Cover the mutagen. There's some plastic bags in the dumpster, some old clothes. Raph dumps the clothes on the spill, and a roach tries to climb through the fabric but Raph flings it away with his remaining sai. Donnie tosses him the gloves, and Raph sops up the mess, bagging it, and bagging it again.

Two scaly hands on his shoulders, pulling him backward.

"_Aag!_" Raph yanks himself forward, stumbling right into Mikey, ("Wha- Oaf! Ow!") who crashes into the chest of one of the roaches.

"Take that down into the sewer, Raph," Leo orders. "To Donnie's lab."

Raph takes a step back from the scene, barely holding his head above water. The roaches are swarming his brothers, the sight is terrifying, he should help, he should shake this off and -

"You hear me, Raph?" Leo barks.

Snapped back into action, Raph goes for the manhole cover, stumbling over a decapitated, blinking roach head along the way.

In the sewer, Raph immediately drops the bag and sits, hands in fists. It felt like he was watching some kind of zombie apocalypse, and he knows he'll be embarrassed later, but now he's still too shell shocked, still feeling the fear, and at most he is scared for his brothers, up there, even though he does rationally know they don't share his fear. Last time he stuck it out, he killed that thing, and he had something to be proud of. This time he's scurrying away with his tail between his legs, a coward.

He's just resolved to head back up and do what he can when something wet and . . . congealed lands on his shoulder. He looks up at the manhole cover. It's open, and a roach is staring down at him.

The scream is stuck in his throat and Raph scrambles back, but not nearly far enough when the roach jumps down to join him.

This one doesn't waste any time, grabbing Raph with two of its smaller arms, pulling him flush against its front, and Raph fights wildly, kicking, elbowing, finally getting enough space and leverage to plant his feet against the roach's chest and kick himself free of its grasp.

He lands and clamors away on his hands and knees – not quick enough. The thing has him by his ankle, dragging him back.

"Augh!" Raph claws at the ground, grabs at a pipe as he's dragged past it, but the thing doesn't let go, and Raph finds himself under it, between its legs. It's excited, if the additional drool it produces is any clue, dripping steadily down the back of Raph's neck, to his chin. "No," Raph says in mindless horror, the feelers touching along the back of his head, the pinchers _touching him_ where his shoulders should be hidden, protected, by shell, a sensation that would feel weird and wrong coming from anyone. In this context it's enough to make him gasp, make him go still and frozen, like a cat grabbed by the scruff of its neck.

He waits for the bite, the pinchers digging into his skin, but all it does is rest the hairy, wriggling things against his neck, and he dry heaves.

"Raph – he's here, Leo! Hold on, Raph!"

Raph tries to push away from the roach but the thing's got all four arms wrapped around him, holding him firmly in place, slobbering all over him. Mikey is just around the corner, Raph can see glimpses of his elbow, leg, shell, as he fights off another roach. Are they coming down here? Are they all down in the sewer?

Another roach is coming around the corner, then another. The primal part of Raphael's mind is more than sure this spells death, something worse than death, and his mouth works silently as they approach.

A bo staff slams hard against a roach's neck, hard enough to send it stumbling into its friend, and Donnie's got their attention now, luring them away from Raph.

"We're coming, Raph!" Donnie promises, and Raph wants to yell out angry denials about needing a rescue, but he also wants to cower in a corner with his brothers in front of him. All he gets to do is feel a new kind of fear as the roach hands start exploring his body.

"Wh – what?" Raph asks.

Roaches don't have sex, is the first ludicrous thought Raphael has, though he doesn't actually know either way. The intent of _this_ roach is pretty freaking clear, and the shock of it knocks the wind from Raph's sails, leaving him a weeping child terrified of the dark.

The thing's hands are pressing down on his crotch – how does it know? Did it just feel the difference in heat? Its fingers are thorough and probing, at the tops of his thighs and between, until they find what they're looking for.

"No – no, no," he sobs. He can't stop it – can't move away. He cries out in disbelieving terror. (_"We're coming, Raph!"_) The roach's dick is a dull sensation rubbing along the outside of his shell, and that alone is enough to make him want to scream and kick and never stop. He thinks for a moment that maybe it's too stupid to figure it out, but then it tips him forward, and Raph can feel the . . . drool coming out around its dick, too, dripping down his thighs.

It pushes inside slowly, its pinchers clicking excitedly against his head, and Raph dry heaves again, sure he would've vomited if he'd had anything in his stomach. His vision starts to blank out, still pushing against anything he can reach, trying to get away, trying to lift up and off the thing entering him. The roach's grip doesn't even budge.

It's in him. It's in him. Raph's body is stretching for it, and honestly the size isn't all that big, there isn't much pain at all with that disgusting drool, but that disgusting drool is _INSIDE HIM_, the thing's dick is _INSIDE HIM_ and Raph wails out in disgust and fear, covering his face, still trying to pull himself off in weak little jerks of his legs.

(_"What's that thing doing, Don?"_

"I don't – I don't know,")

Then the thing begins to . . . grow. Like Raph's movement is exciting it, the thing inside him slowly grows firmer, larger, harder, and Raph really starts to lose it when he realizes the sensation isn't actually painful.

"No! Fuck! _No_, get off – no!" the fight is renewed and feral, no thoughts in Raph's head except escaping that nauseating pleasure.

The sounds of his fight panics his brothers, who Raph can still only see in flashes, separated by a wall of roaches that Leo slowly cuts down.

Thrust.

Raph's mouth drops, and he clings to the roach's scaly thighs. It thrusts again. It's not a passionate movement, it's mechanical and timed. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.

Raph's lower body is beginning to anticipate that surge of pleasure, that sudden reward every – other – second. Steadily rising interest in his crotch, which the roach's free hand is still rubbing, as though it just enjoys the heat it finds there.

"Please." The conflict of his body and mind has frozen him completely, to uselessness. It keeps coming, though. Thrust. "Please," thrust. "Please – stop." Thrust.

Leo manages to cut down a roach, and as the body falls he makes brief eye contact with Raph. Whatever he sees in Raph's face makes his eyes go wide with terror, and then narrow to rage. He tries to surge forward, but then another roach comes to replace the one he killed, and he's out of sight again.

A hissing noise that cuts through the blankness in his mind.

He glances up and sees a new roach, bigger than any that have appeared tonight, its antenna scraping against the top of the sewer as it moves, fast and directly toward them, shoving Raph's brothers out of the way, knocking down the wall of fellow roaches. It's too fast for Raph's horror-numbed mind to follow; it's coming up on them, and then it's there. There's a series of ominous clicking and hisses, and Raph would be frightened, if he hadn't already reached his mind-cracking peak. Then the big roach surges forward, and bites through the neck of the roach mounted on Raph.

The head teeters for a moment, then rolls free of its body, landing on Raph's shell, then the floor, on its side. Raph stares, uncomprehending, as the body continues to thrust.

It slows, then stops, its body spilling on top of Raph like a puppet with its strings cut, and Raph collapses under its weight, still impaled, eyes wide and unseeing.

Eventually his brothers level out the horde, or maybe April arrives with the spray. Raph's not sure. He does remember the feeling of the body being rolled off of his, the hardness slipping out of him along with it, and nearly sobbing in relief to be free of it.

Then his arm over Leo's shoulder as they walk back home.

Then being in bed.

"You should've sat that one out, Raph! You knew you weren't all there!" Leo is pacing back and forth, in a panic. His eyes are red, and Leo wipes at them irritably as he rants.

Then it's night.

There's no sunlight that makes it into Raph's room, but he can tell by the complete silence of the lair, and of the streets above.

Leo is there in his room, asleep, and when he sits up he sees Mikey curled up on his workout bench. Raphael's body is too sore to move with his usual stealth, but he manages not to wake them as he walks out, past the living area, into the dojo.

It is suddenly very, very important that he has his sais. When they were younger they went through their weapons as though they were disposable, but as they got older and better at keeping them in once piece, their weapons were made with more care, weighed and sized for each of them. It will probably be a few nights before sensei has time to replace the ones Raphael lost today, but even one of the old ones will do, and he digs through the old weapons, looking. He can't find any, even – even some of the wooden practice ones will do, if he could just find one –

"Raphael."

Raph immediately stands up straight, then regrets it, his body still aching hollowly. "Sensei – sorry, I was just – I just," he gestures at his empty belt, the notches where two weapons should hang. He swallows, aware of how badly his voice had been shaking.

Sensei shakes his head and takes a step forward. Sensei is tall – he's always been tall, only Donnie is anywhere near his height now. Raphael still doesn't even reach his shoulder. It makes sensei feel larger than life, a solid, unstoppable force when he pulls Raphael into a hug. Sensei has Raphael sit with him as he forges the prongs of his new weapon, sharpening the points to dangerous edges of metal. It's well into morning by the time they finish, but sensei allows Raphael to sleep in his own room, surrounded by the impossibly safe smell of his sensei, and the sounds of his brothers starting their morning practice just on the other side of the wall, Raphael holds tight to his new sais and sleeps.


End file.
